Waxpapre, Seelingwax an Coe'thangrs

Wen Murphy waz a wee lad, a wayf, a tinee wee wayf uv a lad, he mayd kytes frum waxpapre and seelingwax. He uwsed strait’end ouwt coe'thangrs and bawledup twyne he pylfured frum hiss da’s werkshop, tha varysame one hiss da keypt hees two’ll’s and varnush in; tha varysame one wair hee kep’t a bowtell of Ire'ash whyski an his Presbateareean pype abacco hid’en ahind the varysame werkbench th’at he press’d nayls an skroos inta littal trinkats an awd nd’s. Seelingwax werkd best wen it wuz kep at reumtemprature, thatwaz U cuwd stik tha waxpapre too tha strait’end ouwt coe'thangrs with’owt maken a mess’a thengs, wich meent hiss da wood geit all angree and owt uv sorts, wich meent heed mos probablee tan hiss ass t’ill hiss earz whent all red an boyllen-hot.