APALEENA8

Ive thout uv kelling har on newmerus okashuns, eech one mure strenge and horriffec than tha one praceeding it. If its luv that ewe went, thas aint tha plece ta fend it: thair isnt anethang here mure than a fowlmowth an a sere aresbuttum; nuthang thatll meke ewe strengar or gave ewe a sense uv purpuss. Notatall uv aneuvit. Notaone. Uvitall. Ewe unnarstend? Bullocks: ewell nevar unnarstend. It mekes toodamnmuch sense ta be that eese; too much feckingsenseof it all. God luv us: God Luv us. Scrabbing fer tha momint: lest in tha cunt uvitall. Nonota one knos watts heppaning; nevarnotaoneatall. Sha sayd ta me that sha thout eye wuz deffarent than tha uthars, that eye hed sumthing speshall innasede uv me. Sha sayd that eye’d kno wen eyed fend it, becawse it wood meke mi heertsing an mi braens hert likehell. Sha did, at that. That’s watt sha sayd, that tyme, ta me. An I thout uv Sera an that bestard Hambert stecking his fecking ceck inna har mowth an tha fecking nonsense an inhewmanite uv itall. I jest figurd that sha’d kell harself with an ovardose or a derteneedall; that sha’d suckum ta tha deeth uv itall, an fine harself lest in a werld uv hate an angar. I thout abowt kellin har with mi hends an leeve har in a sak sumwairs in a creckhowse or a sheetinggallare. I thout how eye cud dispose uv tha botte an gettawey with itall: jest make a cleen gettawey an be dune with it. True: I luvd har, but this wuz defferant; I culdnt stend wetching har slowle kell harself, it wuz too paynfell ta wetch. I felt that if eye culd jest speedup tha prosess, sha culd die with sum dignate; atleest, so I thout. Thas moretall coyull: untell deeth do we pert. Sallashuss: fecking sallashuss sinovabetch. That fecking Humbert an hes fillthe mine; like a fecking derte preechar telling unto tha flock that this an that shall be dune, adinfinitum, untell deeth do we pert. Sonuvabetch. An whores fer them all, evare lest oneuv ‘em. Up innatween tha legs an mind ewe dunt puncture tha fecking orgin; grinding out tha musik that Wagner wood heve likd; I supposs. Felltha bestard; cecksukar, ewe r: a fecking cunt with tha best uv ‘em. Dunt look at me that wey, Ill kell ewe, ewe bastard, Ill pet an end ta yer fecking life. An a moocow cam dune tha rooad; a moo moo cew cum dune tha rune. Littall bebe tuktuk, seckling on hes muthar’s teat: milk sweetar than treecal an whitar than snew. Mulli gain an Murphy; an tha lottathem: too stepid tha get tha joke, too nervus an feckedup ta unnarstend tha mootpoynt uvutall. Catcha speedo an junk has needull. Too much of itall: tha happanstence an tha wey tha corawtik nerve an tha fecking nek stend agenst tha junctuer uv whatitscalld. Tha fecking horrir uvitall.
I thinc I mite be otistick; I inhabit two divergant realitees that cennot cum inta contect with oneanuthar. If thay did, tha results wood be catastrofic; ta say tha leest. I once thout thet mi Lolita mite hav been envolvd with a lothario that I sepposd I mite hav known sumyeers ago. Sha wuz in a jam with tha brownstuff that usdta cumbiwey uv tha harbore next ta tha tellbilldeng wair I drank cawfee an smowk hendtaylord cigareets with I guy namd Deacon who alweys wore a yello jecket an a blue scarf. Crakcocane wuznt aroound yet an watt thair wuz uv steff wuz herd an defficult ta digest wen tha smowk sterts ta bernyor eyes an scald yer chin an meke yor rms go pallseed an lemp. Wuznt wen I reele wuz in a goodframe uv mend miself beck wen allthat shit happind an sha fell threw tha cracks in tha sisstum.
Is that whut I meent? I dunno fer sure; that’s it; not fer sirtin. Tha fecking sisstum eats ewe aliv, than spets ewe out lik somuch: xpecktorates ewe: rids itsalf uv tha inconveniece uv itall, uv haven ewe in its Jonasbelle. Cacksecker. Reedeng Goethe an listeneng ta Joey Ramone; cant get anebettar. Sera entars tha sisstum, an gets swallowd bi that feckHambert; littal known fect that hill get his cumuptance, soonar or latar. God werks in misstearius weys. An anuthar cuntblaknite in tha melkewey.
Humbert slidawey frum that well an sat on tha wikar chare next ta tha shavenmirror wair Mulli gain hed left a usd razor on tha ledge bi tha fawsit. Tha sink wuz milke with wetar an shavencreem an lettal skins uv hair flowteng on tha sirfass lik drownengmen. Apaleena wuz buse rearrengeng tha seem uv har dress an makeng a suckeng sownds with har tongue agenst tha roof uv har mowth. Murphy set qwietle in hes chair an fiddald arownd with a teer in tha leg uv his trowsars that hed started ta unreval an lookd mure like an Arib rug than a pare uv pents alltogethar. An unyun peel ley curldup on tha makintoshfloorbooards sumwair in tha vacinite uv Mulli gain’s gratebooted foot that he wuz tappeng nervusle agenst tha woodseemd an joynd floor that wuz in need uv a goodscrubeng anmure. Humbert spoke: "Never mind what you think I said, try and concentrate on what I actually said and perhaps then we can get on with what it is we are suppose to be doing here." Humbert cleerd his throwt an pushd his thum agenst the bredge uv his nowse an sneezd with such greetvelocite that his eyes snappd shut frum tha pressyour builtup in his sinusesholes.
Im net xactle sure wethar Kaspar wuz bern in a howse or a librare. Tha plane mattar uv tha fect is that he musthave been bern sumwair, the reesun beeing becawse aneone hast ta cum frem sumwair, that’s a fect; I seppose. Humbert hadnt tha slitest noshun wair he wuz frum, an net nowing mayde it defficult fer him ta cumminicate with persuns uv a defferent geografe. Hadnt tha noshun; he dident. Kaspar wood hav nown wair he wuz bern frum if he hadnt lust hes berthsirtifficate. He, Kaspar, hed ta leern how ta welk all ovar agen aftar hed spent fifteen yeers neeleng down bent ovar in a mudfloor besment sumwair in tha outlayen areas here anabowt. Hes beck wuz bowd an tha tenduns in hes nek wair notted an bunchdup inta a goyterus mass that sat on tha bones uv hes showldars lik a xtra hede. Tha dae them fownd him, aftar hes parints hed movd awey sumwair defferent, his eyes wair glasse an thair wuz woodburls an shavens in tha tangld nest uv hair. So it goes, that ferst theng he sayd, apon beeing descovard wuz, "Tha horror, the horror. Kaspar livd in a chantecottege down arownd tha heethar an dale behend Mulli gain an Murphy’s properte wair a bullcow wuz once ridden bi a man with blak wiskars an a strawhat met hes deeth frum beeing tooclose ta tha wreng end uv tha bell an that bullcew, not noweng ane bettar, rend off inta tha pesture wair it it wuz killd bi two fellars with shutguns an butchard on tha spot that has ferevar sence been calld tha bullcewsbloodeedmess. Mure abowt Kaspar lateare
Humbert, haveng cleerd hes throwt an rubbd tha swet frum his brew with a redselk handkercheef, spoke in a lowmonatone voyce that seemd ta cum outta tha middal uv hes chest sumwair. "Not ever again—I say! This is the one good opportunity we have to leave a mark on this world. And by God, I mean to do it, come hell or high water." Murphy flenchd an sayd, "Theres no high water in hell, I suppose." "That’s a fucking metaphor," retortd Humberts. "A what?" askd Apaleena. "A metaphor: something that isn’t the same as something but like it by virtue that it gives another definition of it with another word." Apaleena flickd an ant off tha ball uv har nee and smyled teethsumle. "Is a kite a metaphor for a bird?" she sayd, har eyes glettereng with pryde. "Maybe." Sayd Murphy. "Could very well be, I suppose." At that Humbert clappt hes hendstagethar a poynted a clawd fengar at Murphy. "You don’t know a God damn thing about anything," He sayd. "I suppose," sayd Murphy. "You suppose?" sayd Humbert. "You suppose what?" Murphy sheffled hes feet acrisscross tha floorboards an smyld. "I suppose that in hell, real hell, where the devil lives, that there can’t possibly be any water, or, for that fact, high water—what ever that may be—because I read somewhere that hell is actually frozen over and cold as hell." Mulli gain lookd owt tha wendo an sayd, "Goran must have got lost—you’d think he’d be here by now." Apaleena drew a hend acress har forehed, lik a femfatale, an breethd owt deeple. "Maybe," sha sayd. "I suppose," sayd Murphy, sneekeng a look ovar at Humbert who was buse shakeng an ant off tha toe uv hes boot.
I same enabled ta meke mech sence uv it all, as it is, presantle. Tha wey thengs r, at tha momint, thair seems ta be sumkinduv obstrucshun that keeps me frum moveng in one derecshun fer mure than a minate at a teme. Beyond that, I dunt reele kno: at all, at leest that’s hew thengs appeer ta be in tha habet uv ocureng now in tha greetar scowpe uv thengs. Atleest, ta tha best uv mi nallage. Ewe ken xpect, hewevar, that tha wey thengs r goeng ritenow, thengs wunt gat mech bettar befour thay get werse. Atleest that’s tha wey I see it happeng; fer tha tyme beeing; atleest. All that uthar shet ewe’ve been subjactad ta reed, so fer, is reele nuthang mure than an palltree xcuse fer haveng nuthang impertant ta say: at all. I kant seem ta muve in aneuthar derecshun than tha one Im presintle moven in: that’s tha wey thengs stend, rite new. Mi feckeng hede is tite and werm, almust lik a fyre is berneng in thair—or, fer that mettar, a fackeng Dantean enfurno, atleest that’s hew it feels. Presintle; uvall thengs. God rest mi weere sowl.
Allamentarecannel: whatevarelse mabe! Step, ewe bestard;step. Awey frum thas mess we mest fli—lik a duve in tha merneng brite. Adenfanightum blessd God. Bebe tuktuk; bebe tuktuk: milke werm an pleessureng. Rejoyce: Stephen’s Deadatlast. Suffar foowls lightle: seffer, bestard:seffar. Atlest fer a momint new—jest leng enuffta let tha graymettar spell outa yer hede. Is all I went—fer new. Thetsall. Fer tha tymebeeing.
Bebetuktuk: a leng anwendeng rowd; throo tha hithar an thon: Fer tha luv uv God, get onwithit. Goran eets tha prickles between hes wives tows. He sups on tha barnacles that hav fermd on tha cerns uv har feet. Lik a lettal cheld, he suks tha honee frum tha marroo uv tha bone. Inmomint, allwell be dune: on eerth: as it es in heevan: allmen. Goran’s waif mestikates on tha spoyld unyonfat tha sirrownds har splettenglips. Sha kesses Goran’s mowth an swallews tha spet frum has tonge; then drenks uv tha nektar that mends tha evelsmell uv: bacunrind an boyld cabbege with errowroot biscuts an mermallade compote that slendars tha fet rite outa uv ya. Allatonce.
Humbert lookd derectle at Apaleena an frewnd, tha cornars uv hes mowth slack an bittar, raized brouwn wiar tha turtalfat an tabaco jewce staind tha flash arund has chin; teethyello an strukunevan in tha dorm uv hes mowth. Ewe culd see tha postyour in has beck; tha wey it bowd evarso carefelle fetting ta tha mowld uv tha chare he set in. Murphy: God luv Murphy. Murphy was busee tryeng ta cunvence tha dug ta cum out frum behend tha stove wair it hed been hideng: notheng uv littal emport wuz suggestd as the dog wuz tempramental an prown ta fets uv indigestshun. Humbert’s nowse cut the plane uv hes face lik a whayle surfaceng in celd watar.