Monday, August 11, 2008

Tungus Psychopomp

Sunday morning the man in the hat awoke, his neck staved in pain; what was right side up was now upside down, bone rubbing against bone. O' Holloway, who claimed to be a direct descendent of the Tungus Psychopomps, made him a cataplasm out of butterweed, castor oil, hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol, St John's Wort, Devil's Claw Root, Chickweed and Calendula, advising him to apply the poultice-sac to the back of his neck thrice daily. The man in the hat applied the poultice in the morning, after lunch and 10 minutes before going to bed, allowing for the offal smell to grist from the bed sheets. The psychopomp O’ Halloway kept a grivet (chlorocebus aethiops) in a pen behind his house. O’Halloway trained the grivet in conjuring, not a simple task by any stretch of the conjurer’s imagination.

The grivet learned how to make Tungus Balm and Epsom’s, and how to cast spells and conjure foul odors. O’Halloway had a run in with the Witness, both men trying to conjure the other. The Witness declared spiritual immanence, O’Halloway the gift of the Tungus Psychopomps’, each man declaring the right to walk on the left side of the street. After a heated contest, each attacking the other with synonyms and perfect grammar, the Witness conceded defeat, but not before laying a curse on O’Halloway and spitting hellfire through the holes of his nose. The crick in the man in the hat’s neck got better after three applications of the Tungus poultice, proving that conjuring and foul odors had their place, even in a tool shed behind a madman’s house.

When the biggest of the dogmen got wind of the psychopomps’ medicinal conjuring he swore he’d have it for himself, even if it meant having a spell put on him by a hairy faced monkey. He told the other dogmen about the conjurer’s magic, warning them to stay clear of the tool shed where the madman kept his pet grivet. The dogmen were deathly frightened of monkeys, having been cursed by an African Green Monkey (Chlorocebus) while sniggling for river cod. They took every precaution to stay as far away as possible from the devil’s beasts, as the feral African Vervet was capable of tearing a man’s arm clean off with a single swipe of it’s three-fingered hand.

No comments:

About Me

My photo
"Poetry is the short-circuiting of meaning between words, the impetuous regeneration of primordial myth". Bruno Schulz
Powered By Blogger

Blog Archive