Sunday, September 09, 2007

Cold Sores and U-Joints

‘Dogs chase cars cause they mistake the exhaustion-pipe for a other dog’s asshole----and that makes ‘em plain stupid’ said the alms man. He read in Popular Mechanics how to stop your dog from chasing the backend of cars: …try using a shock collar with a hand help control. When the dog chases after a car you shock them. Do not say he word "No!" when you shock them. You want them to associate the car with the shock and not the word "No" with the shock or the dog will do it as soon as you are out of sight. Some people may think this is cruel to use a shock collar, but it is worse for the dog to get hit and run over by the car. Another method to try is to have a friend drive by in their car slowly. When your dog chases the car have your friend throw water balloons at the dog, not to hurt him, but to scare him into not wanting to chase cars anymore.

When he was wee frail boy the alms man’s mama haltered him to a lead corseted around his back. It had straps and ropes that were fed through U-joints then tied in a double-knot at the bottom, far enough out of reach for him not to fiddle with or loosen. The bridle slipped through an opening in his shirt and was tied-off just below his bellybutton. The top of the halter, the part that slid up and across the knobs of his shoulders, was fastened in place with safety-pins and shoe-laces to keep it from faltering and shimmying to the small of his back. When his mama was in a hurry and fastened the contraption on too tight, the alms man’s arms would go numb all the way down to his fingertips, and his elbows would bow out like shims of wood. He would have trouble catching his breath and his eyes would begin to water, tributaries of sweat forming on his cheeks and emptying into the delta of his mouth, which was crackly and red with cold sores and herpes.

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