LINGUISTIC HERESY

Grammacide and Futaba

I slurry words, I weir and sluice meaning, I impose a censor, a grammacide Jihad, a Futaba, I am a wrecker of syntax and meter. I am a cuckold, a smuttier. I sully letters, sentences, the very foundation of semantics. I am a Noam hater. I despise MIT and linguistic meddling. Oxon. moralists roil my stomach, the tripe and faro of analytic overindulgence. I abhor Russellian logic, mathematical gibbering and cutthroating. I’d rather have tea with Onan than god, eat cow’s tongue with Genet and Goytisolo rather than Faulkner or Memmingway. I am a sluice, a mortifier, a suppressant, no, an expectorant, cholera and pleurisy. I am a locution sodomite; I am assonance tearing selvage from spine. I am everything you despise--the jammed up paper in your copier, the dried up ink cartridge monk with proper spelling and accidence. I am all of these yet none, I am the word of clods, Mesmer’s rat skirling in the reformatory of a fatuous and not so wonderful mind. I smoke opium laced with seritonin, for the shear stupidity and ill manatees of it. I hate fish and fish byproducts more than Oxon. moralists and Memmingway’s sunbonnet. I hate Webster’s, Oxford’s (their fucking shoes notwithstanding, hard soles and scuffs), Roget and his minions, anything to do with nice spelling and Word Prefect. I am incongruent and bad mannered, ill kept and judgmental. I am a multiple of nothing, an algebraic oversight, a mistake in logic, a blunder, an erratum. I am a Leitmotif without intent, a grammatical faux pas, the Sodom and Gomorrah of morphology, a vexing whooping cough. I am grammacidal, nothing more nor less.