Homer von Humbert von Homer ran a dry-cleaning store behind the Waymart across from the Seder’s grocer. He spoke gibberish and pigeon French. Homer von Humbert von Homer was born in Oberosterreich in the village of Linz. He was blind in one eye and cockeyed in the other. Homer von Humbert von Homer wore culottes and knee-socks with friars’ sandals and a Corbusier flatcar cap. Behind the Waymart across from the aqueduct Homer von Humbert von Homer washed other people’s clothing, some so filthy and threadworm they were unworthy of the name clothing. Homer von Humbert von Homer hired one washerwoman, a seamstress and two men to carry pails of steaming hot water, each missing two front teeth and an ear, the left ear. He paid them with old clothing, clothing people had forgotten to pick up after they’d been washed.
He lived with a cat named de Silva and a dog named de Silva the Dog, referring to the cat as de Siva the Cat when de Silva the Dog was present. The washerwoman was a deaf mute, although she could speak in tongues when in the presence of godly people and small children. The seamstress could speak, but spoke only between seven and seven twenty-seven, evenings and mornings. The two pail-carrying men, each missing an ear and two teeth, spoke Confucius, and when the moon was half-full, pigeon. (Author’s endgame: this is nonsense, pure nonsense! Please except my gravest apologies for subjecting you to such nonsense, such dross and bile humor).
The man in the hat, who knew the shamble leg man and the harridan, who knew the legless man and the harridan’s sister, who were acquainted with the Seder grocer and the bowlegged man, had never met Homer von Humbert von Homer, although he had heard stories about him from the woman who sold caraway-seed buns in front of the church on Tuesdays and Thursdays between three and four pm, rain or shine. (Author’s endgame: this is nonsense, pure nonsense! Please except my gravest apologies for subjecting you to such nonsense, such dross and bile humor). She was in full possession of her ears, of which she had two, her mouth, one, her eyes, two, although the left one was cockeyed, her voice, soprano, her legs and feet, two and two, and a full head of glorious blond hair. On Tuesdays at exactly three 27½, the man in the hat purchased three caraway-seed buns and a small packet of washing soap from the woman who sold caraway-seed buns in front of the church on Tuesdays and Thursdays between three and four pm, rain or shine. The woman who sold caraway-seed buns in front of the church on Tuesdays and Thursdays between three and four pm, rain or shine, also sold small packets of washing soap, but only between three 25 and three 27½ pm, rain or shine.
He lived with a cat named de Silva and a dog named de Silva the Dog, referring to the cat as de Siva the Cat when de Silva the Dog was present. The washerwoman was a deaf mute, although she could speak in tongues when in the presence of godly people and small children. The seamstress could speak, but spoke only between seven and seven twenty-seven, evenings and mornings. The two pail-carrying men, each missing an ear and two teeth, spoke Confucius, and when the moon was half-full, pigeon. (Author’s endgame: this is nonsense, pure nonsense! Please except my gravest apologies for subjecting you to such nonsense, such dross and bile humor).
The man in the hat, who knew the shamble leg man and the harridan, who knew the legless man and the harridan’s sister, who were acquainted with the Seder grocer and the bowlegged man, had never met Homer von Humbert von Homer, although he had heard stories about him from the woman who sold caraway-seed buns in front of the church on Tuesdays and Thursdays between three and four pm, rain or shine. (Author’s endgame: this is nonsense, pure nonsense! Please except my gravest apologies for subjecting you to such nonsense, such dross and bile humor). She was in full possession of her ears, of which she had two, her mouth, one, her eyes, two, although the left one was cockeyed, her voice, soprano, her legs and feet, two and two, and a full head of glorious blond hair. On Tuesdays at exactly three 27½, the man in the hat purchased three caraway-seed buns and a small packet of washing soap from the woman who sold caraway-seed buns in front of the church on Tuesdays and Thursdays between three and four pm, rain or shine. The woman who sold caraway-seed buns in front of the church on Tuesdays and Thursdays between three and four pm, rain or shine, also sold small packets of washing soap, but only between three 25 and three 27½ pm, rain or shine.
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