Avoiding John Malkovich

You remember Cabot the bicycle thief, so you do. As bicycle thieves go (peddling like caged mice) he was a poor bicycle thief. He thieved tricycles, bi-tricycles, three-wheelers, four-wheelers, unicycles, tri-unicycles, racing bikes, coasting bikes, mountain bikes, flat tired bicycles, bicycles with no seats, racing bikes that had lost the will to race, bicycles without handlebars, coasting bikes that raced rather than coasted (coasting-racers) unicycles that wanted to be two-wheelers, two-wheelers that wanted to be three-wheelers, tri-unicycles that were made to be badgered with no hands, bicycles without handlebars that wanted them, sadly, old bicycles past they’re prime and bicycles that had no idea they were bicycles but were bicycles just the same.

Cabot the bicycle thief hated John Malkovich. He didn’t hate, despise or abhor many people, or animals and plants, or dustbins and road-graters, but he made an exception for John Malkovich. He disliked his manner, his pomp and circumstance and the way he spoke, so lispingly and annoying. He avoided any movie, television show or PBS documentary that John Malkovich appeared in or had a cameo-appearance in. Were he ever to meet John Malkovich, say while out strolling or in line at the grocer’s, he’d drive the pointed end of his elbow into his side and shout ‘you, John Malkovich, are a most annoying man’ and run willy-nilly in the opposite direction. But as the chances of this happening were sparse, he took to avoiding all and any person or people that resembled John Malkovich in the slightest way, lest he loose his temper and drive the pointed end of his elbow into someone who surely didn’t deserve it.