APALEENA3

In an aroound this tyme thair appeered on tha stark whorizen a moon tha coler uv claughted blood. Wenever tha moon changd coler frum oringe to a plumberrie red, oar wen it seemd to be too highup in tha evening skie, it usuelly meant that sumthing extraordinery was aboot to happen. To Mulli gain and Murphy, this was a sure sine that Humbert wuz on his wey into town. Humbert wuz a threefoottawl dwarf with scaley skin and a face that preceeded him into this werld; a face tern an twisted, a face warren raw frum yeers of abuse an xposeure to inclimate weather. Humbert wuz a tightrope walker by traide, and a jugglr by avocation. Tha evening air wuz thik as crème; a bottlefli buzzd roound Humbert’s hede as he made his whey up tha black rood an in through tha backfield fense stile that separatd Murphy and Mulli gain’s properte frum tha one next to it. He carreed with him a canvass napsac an a woodburl stik that he keept knocking at tha grund ahede uv him as his eyes were milke with cataracs. Tha stars cutdimonds in tha blaksheet uv nite; a cornfli swifted around tha bakdoor lite and alit on a bundle uv splitwood whair Murphy kept his muckingboots.
Humbert huntchd his shooulders an let tha canvass napsac fall free to tha groound. It fell with a tumble an jigged round his boots; it strummed against his ankles an crouchd inbeatween his bowed nees; it trundled into the mukanmire uv tha mudde blak rooad that stretchd beyond an behind Murphy an Mulli gain’s modest cottage. He stabbed his woodburl stik into a moound uv wet hay an pushed it roound like a butterchurn. A circle uv milkflies darted aroound Humbert’s xposed hede an fell silentle into tha rush uv nite air. Tha last tyme Humbert jurneed inta town wuz tha summer that Murphy and Mulli gain slawterd a heffer an cooked it ovar an unsanetary woodcook fire that smoked four days after. In tha warmsummer twhylite exploshuns of broownsmoke curld an dissapated inta tha thikvale uv nite. That nite Humbert had eaten tha entyre leftflank uv tha cow an a ringortoo uv its hardwhite tale. Later that nite he fell asleep in tha corncrib an dreamt he wuz tha tzar uv Rusha.
"I’d like to visit over there in Iberia," xclaimd Apaleena. "In Iberia?" Mulli gian sayd. "What in the hell is there for you to see in fucking Iberia?" "Lots of different things I suppose," sayd Apaleena. "In Iberia?" Mulli gain barkd. "No one in their right mind goes to visit in fucking Iberia." "I suppose some do," sayd Murphy. "after all, it is a place where one can go visit there if one wanted." "I suppose that’s the case," Apaleena added. "If you really want to go over some place and visit it, you’re more than welcome to do so." "But certainly not in Iberia," chimd Mulli gain. "Does anyone even know where in the hell Iberia is?" he askd. "I would suppose its somewhere over there," Apaleena sayd, pointing to tha north wall. "Some place in Europe, I would suppose," Murphy xclaimd. "What the hell do you know about Europe and geography?" Mulli gain chimd. "Well, I do know that Europe is over there," he pointed, gesturing at the north wall. "And where is that?" Mulli gain askd. Apaleena strung her hair ovar her left sholder an wrinkld her tinee nose. "I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t be there," she sayd, again pointing at that wall. "Over theres a fucking wall," Mulli gain barkd. "Not a fucking country." "It could be a country," Apaleena aswerd. "Where?" Mulli gain sayd, throwing his hands ovar his hede. "Where in the name of God is over there?" Murphy clackt his teeth against tha roof uv his mouth, and lite up a cigarette. "Why can’t it be over there?" sayd Murphy. "Its plain to me that beyond that wall there may in fact be a place called Iberia where, if one chooses, one can go for a little visit of some sorts." "Why not?" sayd Apallena. "Europe’s a big place, I suppose." Murphy added. "Biggest country in the whole wide world," Apaleena sayd. Mulli gain, trying ta gain his composhur, sat doown in his chare by tha warmth uv that pigbellied stove. "Europe isn’t a fucking country, you idiots. It’s a fucking continent." "Where is it?" Apaleena askd. "Its over there," Mulli gain sayd, pointing at tha north wall. "Somewhere the hell over there."
Thair came a pownding at tha bootroom door that seemd ta shake tha house frum its foundashun. Mulli gain, in fullstride, bolted to tha windo an pushd up tha copperpennie latch that releesed tha windo frum its mooring. "Who the fucks there?" screetchd Mulli gain, his hands clutching tha windoframe. When thair wuz no answer, he stuck his hede outuv tha windosill an lookd back and fore scanning tha backyard four intruders. Once again he hollard, "Who the fucks there?" and pulld his rms in against his sides. Murphy, bisee attending to his teeth, which wair flat in tha palm uv his hand and not looking too cleen, whistld at Mulli gain to draw his attention. "What?" Mulli gain roard. "Might be someone we know." Murphy sayd. "Maybe someone from Europe," Apaleena offerd. Humbert apeerd frum behind a sumac tree with his woodburl stik held hi ovarabuv his hede. Mulli gain smyled an threw his rms inta tha air; he wuz happe to see it wuz ownly Humbert making nooise in tha muckeyard behind tha hoouse an not sum unwellcum interlopr. Humbert had been throowing clumps uv eerth at tha bootroom door frum behind tha sumac; he wanted to sirprise Mulli gain an Murphy, as it wuz his nature to do. "All or nothing?" hollerd Mulli gain. "Nothing, of course," answerd Humbert. "All I need in this life is a good strong back and a philosophy that takes into account the drudgery and misery of existence." "Who’s on top?" askd Mulli gain. "Why the God of plenty," Humbert sayd. "Always has been and always will be, ad infinitum." Humbert walked twowards tha bootroom door an pushd his woodburl stik inta tha softmudde groound. " Platetectonics, my good man…nothing simpler, nothing more confusing." "Whats that?" Hollerd Mulli gain. "The metaphysics of it all," sayd Humbert. "Its nothing more, nor nothing less, than the ontological caterwail that lays in wait for you to make that one fatal mistake." Mulli gain moshuned with a nod of his hede for Humbert to enter threw tha bootroom door. Humbert’s voyce traild off as he neerd tha cottage. "With the Jesuits its either all or nothing. There is no middle ground for them; no half way or inbetween."
Humbert climbd tha delapadated stares up ta tha heevewooden door at tha top uv tha narro hall. He cot his breth, an pushd hard on tha doorplane. The door swung opined an he wuz meet by Murphy smyling with onle haf his teeth in; the bottum set of dentures whair balancd nimble atop his hede while he welcomed Humbert inta tha attic with a wave uv his hand. "Come on right in," he sayd, his teeth hanging precariously frum tha dullcurve uv his forehede. Humbert stept ovar tha transum, which had fallenloose uv tha doorhede, an dropt his napsac onto tha floor. "Is the Catholic church your brother?" askd Humbert. All three, Mulli gain, Murphy and Apaleena, stood silentle "For if he is not, you are in for one hell of a lot of pain and misery." Mulli gian, pondering what Humbert had sayd, cleerd his throat, and sayd, "Scotch: neet or with ice?" Apaleena stood straitup an padded doown her skurt with tha sculls uv her hands. "Humbert gave her tha oneovar, and smyled; tha creese in his forhede cutting at a riteangle to tha prow uv his hede. "Shall we transubstantiate?" askd Humbert, his eyes lingering on Apaleena. "We can transfornicate for all I care," sayd Mruphy. "What is it we should be doing?" inqwired Mulli gain. "Your head seems a little too big for your head," sayd Apaleena, looking directle at Humbert’s grait mottled nose. Flusterd, Apaleena added, "Your body; I meant your head appears to be too big for your body, not your head too big for your head." "That would be absurd," sayd Murphy. "Who ever heard of such a thing: a head being too big for a head." "They cancel each other out," sayd Mulli gain. "Like geometry," added Murphy. Humbert ran his muckcaked hand across his face an stampd once on tha floor with his grateboot. "That’ll be enough," he sayd, his voiyce straining an octav or two.
As a mattr uv fact, I do see threw tha wermmilke vale uv Humgert’s diseese. A man, perhaps a monstr, he cums an goes with the risin moon and falls silent at tha cusp uv dawn. A creeture uv tha nitetyme who’s ownlee companune is tha cold breeth uv nite; a monstr, I say; a creetur that lives off tha missfortune uv others. I suspeck that Humbert will secum to a horribal deeth: perhaps threw no mind uv his own, he will fallquickle into that scrum uv life; he will fallpray to tha rivin sum ov allmen: he will burnalive in tha flames uv hell, whair noman is evereman. An tha crows cawcawcawen; an tha yello moon hung in sum tern effigee to a past longago; an tha murder uv nite, defrayd for yet anoother timeanplace. Tha payne begins in tha throot an werks its wey doown inta tha maw uv tha gullet; it ravashes an turnicates; it strangles an garretts; it pulls ewe deeperstill inta tha coldscreem of nite. Thair is terror; be sirtan uv that: it cums in mane disgeyeses. As is oftin tha case with life, one does not know what one is upagainst until it is toolate. Tha dwarf Humbert is not what he apeers to be; he is sumthing far moor dangerus an eville than ane oneman can ever imagin. Tha passing summer whain he had feested an drank himself into a blackdreem in tha feelds behind Mulli gain an Murphy’s modest cottage, Humbert had just arrived frum tha north whair he had weighlayd a traviller an his wife an children an murderd them just for tha sport uv it: he had cut up tha husband so bad that his neck fellopen to his chest; as for tha wife an children, he flayd them an burnt thair pink skin in tha redcoals uv his cooksfire. Thair wuz talk uv mutilashun an cannabulizm in tha streets uv tha tine village whair tha famile were frum. Thair wuz feer an discumfort amung tha peeple who lived along tha narro road that separatd them frum tha addjoining town. Thair wuz sumthing eville about; sumthing that lookd upon humanlife as if it were a diseese to be riddin uv.
An a manslife can be meesurd by tha degree to which he makes good in this werld. It is upta evryman ta pull tha weeloflife toanfro; for evryman to feel tha heet an tha pressure of this werld. An a mensmeesure is in watt he does for othrs; how he aides tha sik and dfowled, how he feels throo tha mucknmire uve this werld with his hends, an pulls free tha less fortunate, tha dformd, tha wastd an week frum tha braggert womb that cloys tha nite. Humbert is nay such a men. Humbert’s sikness has rearrengd tha wey he perceeves tha werld of men; it has takn awaey his eyes, an in thair place, put roounds uv stoone an sewn tha goreholes shut tight for eternete.
Apaleena finishd tha last uv her whisky an placd tha mug upnext to tha mantle by tha pigbellied stove. Mulli gan, his cheeks bersting with pressure, let go with a chortld laff an slappd his gratefeet agenst tha macintosh an plankfloor. Murphy swallowd a ball uv scotch whisky an ran his tongue across tha plumstoone gout uv his lips. "If theres one thing I know for certain," sayd Murphy "its that fire and water don’t mix. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" interuptd Mulli gain. "Like things aren’t confusing enough in this world without you adding to the fucking mess." "Well I don’t know, " sayd Apaleena, "some things just don’t make much sense in this world of ours." "The world," yelld Mulli gain, "what the fuck do you know about the world and its problems?" Murphy shiftd his wait an rubbd tha crest uv his hede with tha bakuv his hand. "She probably knows more about the world than you do," Murphy sayd. "This is the person, might I remind you, that thought that Europe was over there," sayd Mulli gain, poynting at the north wall of the attic. Humbert lowerd his hede, an with sum effert, cleerd his throoat. "Please, ladies and gentlemen, enough. The three of you are all wrong; there is no confusion, if you really take a good long look at things; and furthermore, there is no way on God’s earth that you three could possibly have the wherewithal and intelligence to get at the answer even if you had two brains a piece." Tha timbr beems ovarabuv Humberts’s hede began ta grown an creek; tha mortar an burlap shims in between tha timbrs cricketted, an tha wood sounded like it wuz aboout ta rend in half an collapse inta tha floor.
"It would take no time at all for this whole fucking edifice to fall crumbling to the ground" Sayd Humbert. "I really don’t understand how you can live in such a hovel; it’s a wonder you all haven’t died of tetanus or fallen ill from the malodorous stench of this, what do you call it? quaint cottage." Humbert moshund with his hand at tha timbrs ovarabuv thair hedes an mayd note of tha creeking an growning sounds that wair eminating frum tha cedars. Mulli gain squinted his eyes an than opind them full. He took in tha siroounding space that filled tha attic, an smild like a child. "I rather like it here," Sayd Mulli gain. "So do I," added Murphy. "Its homey, if anything else. It’s a homestead; a bedstead; a transubstantiationstead." Laffed Murphy. "Its whair we happen to live and feel comfortable," Mulli gain sayd, his hands stalked awkwerdle abuv his hede. "I rather like here too," Apaleena sayd, tha roounds uv her cheeks pushing up agenst tha whitesculpt uv her face. Humbert took his woodburl stik an slamd it inta that floorbooards next ta Mulli gain’s foot. "You three are irascible, "he sayd. "You’re like a trio of savants with the exception that you have no talent for anything at all except making things seem dull and improbable." Apaleena edged her way behind Humbert an sat doown in tha chair besyde tha pigbellied stove. She fingrd a curd uv thik hair an spun her othr hand aroound a thread that had cum loose frum tha rm uv tha chair. Mulli gain askd Apaleena if she needed a freshningup an offerd ta poour two more fingrs uv scotch inta her cup. She moshund with a nod uv her hede that Mulli gain could put tha cup on tha floor besyde her foot. Murphy pressd his tongue agenst tha bak uv his frunt teeth, an mumbld sumthing incoherant to himself. Humbert had takn refhuge on tha chair next ta tha shaven mirrer an wuz bisee running calculashuns throo his hede; calculashuns that wair meent to eese tha thrashing in his mind an redeuce tha buzzing in his ears. Tha eenie dug wuz curld up on tha macintoshanplank floor dreeming whatevr it is eenie dugs dreem. Thair wuz a momint uv absolut siolence, aftrwich Mulli gain slappd a flie that had landed on tha bridge uv his grate nose an bloo out a rush uv peatmaltd air.
Whorecorpses littar tha soulange street. Thay collapse an foldin on themselves; capteurd in a satyre uv themselves, thay fallhede first inta tha cold blakcur uv nite. Humbert, cold an peecefuless, sits like a gargoil in tha swanneck bend uv tha chair, his long unkempt fingers druming tha sideboord. Rake an tine teeth cleeted in a purchase uv tissu an fat; a warm scree uv blood cottdribbling down tha angle uv her face. Anuther whorecorpse left fettid an rotting in anuther solikethaother street. Murphy stoodup, rearrangd tha creese in his trowsers, and shunted across tha ruem. He reeched for a cup in tha well uv tha cownterboord, an filled it with water; a thik scum uv oil floating on top like menstrul blood.
Humbert spoke: "When and if ever you three decide its time to do something with your live’s, don’t bother coming to me for advice. I have none." Apaleena knelt on tha hardwood floor an scrapd an ant off tha ball uv her knee. "I’d like to fly a kite," she sayd. "What I really would like to do, if it were at all possible," she pawsd an sat doown in her chair again, "I’d like to fly a big colourful kite and feel tha string unwrap frum the handle and just let it fly higher and higher, until you could’t see it behind the clouds." "That’s just wonderful," sayd Murphy. "I could actually see that happening, " he sayd. "I could see you flying a big kite in a fierce windstorm with the ball of string reeling off the handle and you singing with delight; perhaps you’d hit an airplane or perhaps a cloud in the blue sky. I could see that happening…to you. I could" Mulli gain relite tha nubend uv his cigare an drank greedile frum his cup uv malt whiske. Tha air wuz thik with smoke an you couldn’t see out that windo whair tha ski had changd frum bloo to a crimsun oringe. "One day when this world of ours finally gets the cipher right, we’ll all, every last one of us, learn what it is we’re doing in this God forsaken place." With that Humbert raized his cup an saluted at tha wall ovarby tha shavin mirrer. Apaleena brushd a poke uv hair frum her eyes an smiled like a cat. "Whens that?" she askd. "Whenever the cipher gets answered," replyd Humbert. "Ya, but whens that going to be?" Murphy sayd. "Whenever!" Mulli gain hollard. "Whenever." "You could even fly a kite in Europe," offerd Murphy. "If you wanted to." "You could go fly the fucking kite through the fucking wall, over there, if you wanted to," sayd Mulli gain. "Enough!" yelld Humbert. "Enough of your caterwauling. Your making my head throb with all this nonsense." Mulli gain sat bak doown in his chair and chewd on tha tipend uv his cigar, a threed uv spittle webbing its whey across tha nob uv his chin. Tha eenie little dug had fownd a rashun uv baconrind underneeth tha kitchin table an scrapt at it with tha abrasure uv its tongue befor swallowing it doown with one petulant gulp.
Humbert whisprd sumthing ta himself an eesed bak inta tha spine uv tha chair. Tha chair creekd an then settled in agenst Humbert’s bowd back; a skein uv evening sun cutting across his lowerd hede whiar it picked up motes uv dust that swirld aroound in tha still air like mischeevious children. Apaleena swung her left leg ovar tha rm uv tha chair an placed her right leg crisscrossed ovar tha left one; thair wuz a houndstooth pattern uv linin underneeth her skert that seemd to blend in with tha plumberre stain uv her thighs. Tha sun wuz almost set an thair wuz a coolevening breeze cutting inthroo tha windo whair Murphy sat contimplating the upperhalf uv his dentures. "That’s just fine: I can accept that," mumbld Murphy. "What was that?" askd Mulli gain. "Nothing at all that you’d be interested in," answerd Murphy. "Nothing at all, at all."